It's not so bad.

Dear Emerson College,

Although you did not grant me the position of RA that I so desperately wanted/needed, and although you did not give me the housing that I really really needed, and even though I did not get hardly any of the classes I wanted for next semester— I would like to thank you so very much for the financial aid you gave me for next year.

I still like you. We can continue this academic relationship for at least another year, if not two.

Love, Ashley.

So much stress has just been lifted from my shoulders.

I still don’t know how the hell I’m going to pay for my apartment… Or even if I have said apartment yet (“as far as I’m concerned, you have it” says realtor man, but the landlord still hasn’t confirmed. So, should I listen to realtor man or landlord man?)—-but yeah. So. I need to save every. single. penny. And get a job as soon as I’m back in boston.

But that’s only half the stress of how I’m going to do that AND pay for school. So, I’m grateful. So. Very. Grateful.

Today.

I am wide awake though terribly sleepy. Running on auto-piolet. Here’s why:

-8:00 am, cup of coffee

-8:45 am, second cup of coffee

-10:30 am, attempt at third cup, give up halfway

-12:00 noon, diet coke

-2:00 pm, dunks iced tea

All day caffine buzz… eeeeeeeee.

as small as a world and as large as alone

I keep remembering Lynn’s story about the piano tuner. I now realize she described it perfectly. I feel out of tune. I keep getting perfect pitches, but they’re few and far between. Only enough to keep me.

“I don’t know” are three words I hate but it’s all I can say about the matter.

I had my first guitar lesson on Saturday. Maybe that’ll help.

^Look what I did. I took metaphor and mixed it with reality.

Wow does Annie’s White Cheddar Shells taste like smartfood popcorn. Woah. If Smartfood was warm and squishy, this would be it.

I’m bored and lonely and losing myself. This is what happens.

Working...

So, I just got a pretty significant pay cut at work. I know I was getting paid too much for what I do, but I also knew they always had paid administrative co-ops that rate, so I didn’t think things would change. They assured me it had nothing to do with how I work, and all administrative co-ops got the pay cutt.

Now, even though I’m still getting a good amount above minimum wage, I’m down a third per hour from what I was making. I’m trying not to be too upset, since it’s what I actually expected my pay to be when I started, but I was getting used to the big paychecks.

Also, now it’s too late to find a second job, which is no good, since at my former rate I wouldn’t have had to work during the school year to pay for my apartment (we’re working on signing tentative apartment in Brookline, keep your fingers crossed!), and now I’ll have to find one.

I’m trying not to be too upset about this. Trying to still be motivated and do a good job, because I really do love this job regardless of what I get paid. I don’t know how hard I should fight this since I totally agree with the reasoning behind it… I don’t know. I don’t feel very motivated today I guess, though that’s probably expected.

At least my bosses said they fought for me, and that they’re still trying. It’s nice to have superiors that care about you like that, I don’t know if I’ve ever experienced that in a job before.

85 Degrees? Hello Summer, you're finally here.

Still too busy to stay on the computer for more than three minutes at a time.

It was beautiful today, even though it was the kind of weather that makes me hate my hair.

I need more shoes.

So many plans

I thought when summer came I’d have so much time to blog. Sadly, that is not the case. Weekends I try to be up and about as much as possible and nights I’m either rehearsing for the play or I fall asleep. Doesn’t help that the family computer is in the living room where anyone can sneak a peak over my shoulder.

I can’t write in those conditions.

But right now I’d just like to point out how painfully I yearn for my life to be that of Carrie Bradshaw. I think being a struggling writer in the city (well, at least in the first few seasons, later on she was pretty struggle-less) with an ample amount of shoes would suit me fine.

Her relationship issues I could do without—but so can anyone.

That is all. Back to work.

PS. Beach weekend with Siobhan begins promptly at 6:00 PM tonight. Excellent.

mm.

lenachen:

Love is only real if it’s unconditional, and most romantic love comes with conditions.

Summer takes me away...

Yes. I have no time to blog. Usually the summer is full of blogs, but sadly not this one. Despair.nu de-activated my account because someone warned me for not commenting, so I’m leaving it like that for now. I just don’t have time. I was hoping to get some good writing done this summer, but my creativity just feels drained.

Full time job makes me exhausted by 10 o’clock, hours before my “college bedtime.” But I love my new job. Love it.

The play is coming along well. I’m talking to people, trying to make friends. It’s fun. One guy looks JUST. LIKE. Jim Halpert. Fun times. 

And I just put a down payment on a car, excellent. Hopefully I can find a night job once it’s on the road so I can pay for it without interfering with my apartment savings.

Still need one of those too, heh.

The summer sun is rejuvenating me, making me feel awake again. Though my house is just as stressful as ever, I can usually escape on weekends to Aaron’s house. Tolerable. I enjoy summer.

Work makes me too tired to blog.

Not work itself, I’m really enjoying it, just the getting up at 7 to get to work for 8 thing.

So, therefore, less blog entries. Whatevs.